Coming out

7-comingoutComing out: you dare to say that you fancy boys instead of girls. You feel the strong need to be who you are and not hide anymore. And to be able to say whatever nice things you want, about the guy you have this crush on. To share your joy and ask questions. There isn’t exactly a manual for coming out and saying you’re gay in the best way. The best way to do it, is your way.

Always do it your own way. Most youngsters tell a good friend first. And after that, their parents. Which is quite logical actually. Then you have somebody to fall back on in case things don’t go so well at home. And ‘practising’ once can be useful too.

Coming out tips:

  1. If the first person you tell that you are gay, is the same person you are in love with, things could go nastily wrong. May be he likes you a lot, but is not in love with you at all and besides he apparantly dislikes gays. Ouch! What a double disappointment that would be…
  2. First, try to tell someone you can trust, that you fancy guys rather than girls. Someone who you think can give you the support and understanding you need. Also talk through the way you feel with them.
  3. Try not to act too impulsively when you ‘come out’. It’s best to be spontaneous, but don’t do or say things you can regret seriously afterwards. For example by telling extremely intimate things to the wrong person, when you don’t feel confident.

Stay cool. Especially parents often need to get used to the idea first, so give them a little time to react. Realise that most parents are heterosexual (straight) and that still many of them hardly ever thought about the possibility that their child would not be straight.


It is actually not that bad! Most people agree – after the fact – that coming out is extremely satisfying. You might lose a few friends, but you mostly realize that they weren’t real friends anyway. As long as people understand that you are still the same person as before, then problems you anticipated turn out to be much smaller than you think.

→ More coming out tips
Read a dozen coming out stories of other boys like you