Your son is still the same kid as before you found this website. You most likely have the power to hurt him deeply with your reaction if it is negative. Please don’t.
My son is gay. Please do realise that most boys have feelings that could be considered as homosexual, during their childhood, youth or adolescence. This is part of the normal development of a young male. But may be he is gay, that’s possible.
If your son is homosexual, nothing can change that. Why would a teenager have a problem coming out as gay, when he isn’t? Being gay is not a choice. Coming out of the closet is.
Gay teens are often the focus of (family) violence, neglect and emotional abuse. They may even be rejected forcibly from their homes. Many run away or kill themselves, because they can’t deal with the emotional stress anymore. Or with the emotional conflicts raised by their parents – whom they often love and want to be able to talk with, openly and honestly.
When I was seventeen years old, my mother and father told me that the only thing that was important to them, was that I would be happy. Whether that involved a girlfriend or a boyfriend was immaterial. From that day on, my suicide thoughts, fears, sorrows and anger towards society started dissipating. I still had a long way to go, but it was a new start from a warm and supportive situation: my family.
Being gay is as wonderful as being straight. For a gay teenager it is as important as for a heterosexual boy, to be the person he really is. That is what stimulates a normal development. Towards a coping, wise and happy person.
Links that might be helpful for parents
- What to Do When Your Child Says: “I’m Gay!”
- Dr. Michael LaSala’s book: Coming Out, Coming Home
- Gay Family Support (for parents of gay children)
- PFLAG (Parents, Families, Friends of Lesbian and Gay people)
- Gabi Clayton (a mother who lost her gay son)
- For a Better Understanding of Sexual Orientation & Homosexuality (pdf) (American Psychological Association, 2002)
- Family Rejection of Gay Teens Linked to later Suicide Attempts, Depression, Drug Use and Risky Sexual Behavior (American Association of Pediatrics, 2008)